I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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