omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
