I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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