I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
