Your face is a jimmy john
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
