i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Enjoy the penises
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
