one two three fourrrrnication!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize