I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
