i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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