So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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