The best revenge is premature balding
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
