I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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