Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's official drugs can't kill me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
