Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
