handjob tips. give me some.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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