.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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