you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
