Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
