So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
