so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
