How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
