you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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