how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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