you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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