Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
