What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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