talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
