so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
