Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
