On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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