this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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