TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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