i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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