I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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