I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize