ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
