shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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