This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
