just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
