This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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