I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
