They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
