You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
