Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
