Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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