And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
