2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
