And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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