respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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