youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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