No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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