My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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