i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
