omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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