lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
