I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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