Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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