Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize