Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i drank out of a bidet.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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