soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
