So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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