She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
