omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
