so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
