how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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