I look better un-naked...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize