i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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