were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
