just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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