Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize