I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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