u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
