Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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