I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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