i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
