is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize