he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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