So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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