Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
