Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
