i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
